ILGA Oceania – Femmephobia

‘Femmephobia in Queer Communities with Femme Club Wellington’ was presented by Tabby, Aya, Dany, and Jess via video.

Femme and femininity are different. This is a conscious reclaiming of femininity. It is on an individuals own terms because it hasn’t been imposed. Historocally it comes from the butch or femme categorising of lesbians. Femme exists across the gender spectrum – someone of any gender or sexuality could be femme. Debate around femme being a gender identity? Also the question: is femme a conscious or a natural occurring identity?

I didn’t come out of the closet to be a trans women – I came out to be Jess

Stereotypes and expectations exist of all identities and when you claim them but don’t fit into them it can become really hard. ‘Lipstick lesbian’ is an example. There are also hierarchies within identities and competition within identities. This is something to challenge. An identity is not about aesthetics or how you present. Each person gets to define their own identity.


Femmephobia reflects lots of societal pressure including the pressure to be attractive. Gender discourse often doesn’t get enough respect.

Femme Empowerment. What can we do?

  • Keep spaces open and accepting
  • Undertake personal thought and recognise our own fallibility and our own limitations
  • We are always learning; there is a difference between our actions and ourselves
  • Is you find you are assuming something – think about why

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